The Real Housewives of New York City - My Eyes Are Still Burning

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on your television, the season premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City turned out to be a hazard to your eyesight along with your mind and sanity. Seriously, there are things that none of us ever needed to see in our lifetimes but last night we were tormented with images of the most despicable, arrogant, full of themselves, obnoxious, holier than thou couple in the entire country if not the world, the McCords aka Alex and Simon. And to make matters even worse, we were subjected to seeing them in various states of undress!!!!

Honestly, was there any need for the close up of Alex's coochie when she was trying on what I can only imagine was a bathing suit. And let's not even bring back that image that nightmares are made of, Simon stripping down to a Speedo on the beach because apparently having to watch Simon try on a dozen or so neon colored slip on sneakers wasn't enough for us. Simon, we get the fact that you have taken metrosexuality to a whole new level and we will even accept the fact that you are one of the most effeminate "straight" men on TV but really Simon, on an overcast day in the Hamptons, one does not, repeat not, don Speedos! That's fine in Saint Barts as you kept reminding us but you are not there, so get over it.

And if that wasn't enough, the producers of the show decided that they would torture us even further when during the previews for next week's episode, they zoomed in way too close on Simon's nipple as he was getting massaged. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Alex and Simon just need to go away. Their contrived relationship complete with puke worthy PDA's every two seconds is just an absolute farce! Why do couples, like this one, think that they are fooling anyone into believing that they are so in love when they have to overcompensate with the "I love you's" and the constant petting of each other. It's a toss up which is grosser - Simon in the Speedo or watching these two paw at each other constantly like grooming chimpanzees.

With any luck, Bravo won't subject us to witnessing Simon getting a back/crack/sac waxing any time soon! The mere thought of that just made my coffee come up my throat but that will not dissuade me from tuning in next week.

To view the trainwreck for yourself tune into The Real Housewives of New York City, which airs on Tuesday nights at 10pm on Bravo.